Ai 


0»CALLAGHAN 
The  Married  Bachelor 


5112 

03IV\3 


THE    MINOR    DRAMA. 

THE   ACTING   EDITIQJ. 
No.  CXL. 


THE 

.MARRIED  BACHELOR 

§,  Jartt,  in  ©nt  ^tt. 


BY  P.   P.    O'CALLAGHAN. 


TO  WHICH  ARE  ADDEr>— 

A  DMcrip'.Ion  of  the  CoBtnme — Cnst  of  the  Charactera — Kntr»nces  «ncl  Esltg— 

Reiatire  Fositioos  of  the  Performers  on  the  Stage,  and  the 

whole  of  the  Stage  Business, 


AS    PERFORMED    AT    THE    PpiNCIPAi 


LONDON   AND   AMERICAN   1;HEATR£S. 


NEW    YORK: 

SAMUEL     FRENCH, 

122  Nassau  c^xreet,  .(IJp  Stairs.) 


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R.  Crttikshank,  Del.  G.  W.  Bonner,  Sc. 

THE  MARRIED  BACHELOR. 

Sir  Charles.  Not  deserve  them  !     IMay  I  never  liavo 
a  kiss  in  my  life  again,  if  you — 

Act  I.    Scene  1. 


UnilAUY 

Ur^IVEI^SITY  OF  CAKfFOnMA 

SANTA  BARBAUA 


THE  MARRIED  BACHELOR. 


SCENE  I. — A   Park — Gates  in  centre.  R. A    Bower 

L. A  practicable  li'tle  gate  in  Park  wall  ;  nearer 

to  the  audience,  a  Pavilion. 

Enter  Shabpe,  Jrom  centre  gate,  as  if  speaking  to  tome 
one  without. 

Sharpe.  Certainly,  Madam,  you  may  rely  upon  me;  I 
hope  your  ladyship  will  enjoy  the  ride.  (^IVhip  smacks 
without.)  Smack — crack — away  they  go  ;  and  away  I  go 
to  my  dear  Grace!        [running  towards  gate  in  Park  wall. 

Enter  Sm  CHARLES.    L. 

Sir  C.  Sharpe !  Sharpe ! — Was  that  my  dear  Lady 
Courtall  that  drove  olFthen  ? 

S/iarpe.  (startled.)  Yes,  Sir.  (aside.)  Who  the  devil 
sent  for  you  ? — As  her  Ladyship's  Aunt  lives  only  five 
miles  from  this,  she  will  soon  be  there. 

Sir  C.  How  long  will  she  be  away  V  I  thought  I  heard 
her  say  something  about  three  days. 

Sharpe.  My  Lady  did  say  she  would  be  absent  about 
three  days. 

Sir  C.  Lady  Courtall,  is  a  charming  woman  !  Do  you 
know,  Sharpe,  that  marriage  has  not  in  the  least  cooled 
the  ardour  of  my  love  for  her  ? 

Sharpe.  Is  it  possible  ?  Areyoustill  in  love  with  her,  sir? 

Sir  C.  (coldly.)  I  doat  on  her :  and  during  the  six 
months  that  we  have  been  in  the  country 

Sharpe.  Six  months!  six  weeks,  sir. 

Sir  C.  What,  only  six  weeks? — Well,  well,  six  weeicg, 
or  six  months  it  does  not  much  matter  which — during 
those  mo — weeks,  that  we  have  passed  in  the  country 
together,  I  have  hourly  discovered  new  graces  in  her. 
Her  affection  for  me  seems  to  increase  with  my  perceptioa 


10  THE    MARRJED   BACHELOR.  fAct  1 

of  her  mental,  as  well  as  personal  charms.  With  wha 
reluctance  she  left  me  even  for  three  days.  I  could  hav 
found  fortitude  s  jfficient  to  spare  her  for  a  week  ;  she  has 
however,  but  the  weakness  of  her  sex.  1  never  think  of  mj 
marriage  but  witli  deliglit, 

Sfiur/ie.,  Oh,  Sir!  I  rather  think,  your  marriag;e  hai 
delighted  many  a  mai"ried  man. 

Sir  C.    (smiling.)  As  for  that,  Sharpe But  I  am  quite 

an  altered  man.  I  grant  that  I  did,  now  and  tiien — with 
this  fijjure  and — but  that's  all  past.  I  swear  now,  that 
my  morals  are— (crosses  to  L.  — )  What  shall  I  do  to  pass 
away  the  time  during  the  absence  of  Lady  Courlall?- 
It  will  hang  heavily  on  my  hands  while  severed  froni  my 
dear  wife. 

Sharpe.  Suppose  you  were  to  follow  her — (aside.)  I  wish 
I  could  ^'et  rid  of  hint. 

^  Sir  C.  Why  so  I  would,  but  it  would  appear  so 
uxorious. 

Sharpe.  You  are  dressed,  Sir— a  stroll  through  the 
villag-e  would  amuse  you — or  a  ride. 

Sir  C.  Do  you  think  so?  I'll  for  a  few  mihutes— per- 
haps an  hour — perhaps — if  any  thing  detain  me  beyond 
tliat  t,ime — if  in  the  evening — nobody  need  sit  up  for  nie 
te-night. 

Sharpe.     Shall  I— 

Sir  C.  No,  no — you  may  remain.  Yon  have  been  a 
faitlifdl  servant,  and  1  will  allow  you  to  be  lord  and 
master  here,  during  your  mistress'  absence  and  mine.  The 
only  service  I  require  of  you,  is  to  see  that  the  decorations, 
which  my  dear  wife  lately  spoke  of,  be  attended  to  and 
completed,  in  every  respect,  previous  to  her  return.  Get 
her  also  a  lady's  maid,  as  you  know  she  is  without  one  at 
present :  in  short,  let  every  thing  be  done  to  convince  iny 
charming  Lady  Courtall,  that  her  image  alone,  fills  the 
^eart  of  her  affectionate  husband,  (crosses.)  While  I  take 
my  ramble,  the  house  is  yours — 

Shnrpe.     Cellar  and  larder  too.  Sir? 

Sir  C.  Yes,  cellar  and  all.  1  will  now  stroll  among  the 
•urrounding  shady  scenes,  to  indulge  irt  philosophical 
reflection;  to  chew  the  sweet  and  bitter  cud,  as  Shalcs- 
pearesays.  IF.xit  through  the  gates. 

Sharpe,    Philosophical  teflectioQ  I    I  think  I  can  give  a 


Scene  1.]  the  married  bachelor,  11' 

♦olerahly  shrewd  g-uess  at  the  nature  of  your  philosophy, 
good  master  of  mine.  If  I  am  righc  in  my  conjecture,  so 
much  the  better  for  me  ;  'twill  bring'  grist  to  my  mill. 
My  situation  with  the  Baronet,  is  not  what  it  was  when 
he  was  a  single  man.  He  has  no  steward,  and  has  promis- 
ed me  that  birth — tlien  I  may  pick  up  a  trifle  or  two. 
Master  of  this  house,  cellar  and  all  !  Egad,  I'll  have  a 
rare  day  of  it  with  my  dear  Grace — 1  wonder  where  she 
can  be  all  this  while.  I  hope  Sir  Charles  won't  see  her  iu 
the  course  of  liis  pA;7a?f)/;/»<:-u/  rambles.  What  would  he- 
come  of  poor  Sliarpe  if  he  did  ?  To  be  married,  not  only 
without  his  consent,  but  against  his  express  commands! 
Luck,  however,  does  befriend  me  this  time;  Sir  Charles 
and  my  lady  away,  I  may  treat  my  pretty  little  wife  in 
style.  I  wonder  how  many  liusbands  there  are  who  would 
believe  that  all  my  anxiety  is  only  to  meet  my  wife,  (two 
knocks  at  t/ie  small  gate.)  Here  she  is,  [^opens  the  gate. 

Enter  Grace,  through  gate.  L. 

Grace.  A  pretty  thing,  Sir,  to  keep  me  waiting  this 
hour,  as  if  I  were  only  your  sweetheart. 

Shnrpe.  Well,  nevermind,  love;  don't  be  angry  ;  I 
won'i  do  so  any  more.  \_off'ers  to  kiss  her. 

'^Grnce.    No,  I  won't,  I'm  vexed. 

Sharpe.  Come,  come,  kiss  and  be  friends  again,  {they 
hits.)  Tliere  now,  you  little  rogue,  you — isn't  that  better 
than  quarrelling- V 

Grace.  Why,  I  can't  say  but  what  it  is. — See  there's 
the  certificate  of  our  marriage — be  careful  of  it,  for  if  you 
lose  it —  [Sharpe  puts  it  in  his  pocket. 

Sharpe.  I  know— we  should  have  to  begin  every  thing 
afresh. 

Grace.  I  begin  to  think  it  very  hard  that  I  am  bound 
to  keep  our  marriage  so  close  a  secret.  Now  do  only  let 
me  tell  it  to  my  two  cousins,  and  to  three  or  four  intimate 
friends,  and  to 

Sharpe.  A  pretty  way  that,  of  keeping  a  secret !  you 
may  as  well  give  it  at  once  to  the  Bellman. 

Grace.     Only  let  me  tell  it  to 

Sharpe.  My  dear  Grace,  you  know  my  lo\e  for  you  is 
aruent  and  sincere. 


12  THE  MARRIED   BACHELOR.  f  Act  1, 

Grave.  Yes,  but  one  can't  bear  to  be  called  Miss,  wbea 
one  isn't  a  Miss:    it  makes  me  blush  so. 

Sharpe.  But,  my  love,  I've  told  you  before,  bow  angry 
Sir  Charles  would  be  if  he  knew  I  was  married  ;  for  he 
settled  a  pension  on  me  provided  1  lived  single,  and  con- 
tinued in  liis  service,   over  and  above  my  wages. 

Grace.     Lord,  how  Sir  Charles  must  hate  us  then  ! 

Sharpe.  Quite  the  contrary  ;  he  adores  a  petticoat,  but 
hates  matrimony. 

Grace.  That's  very  strange,  when  he's  a  married  man 
himself. 

Sharpe.  {axide.)  That's  the  very  reason,  perhaps. — Very 
true,  but  there — there  was  a  beautiful  woman,  and  five 
tliousand  a  year  as  a  bribe,  and  many  a  man  has  sold  him- 
self for  much  less.  He  says,  that  a  servant,  however 
active  he  may  have  been  before  marriage,  is  good  for 
nothing  after  ;  so  lazy,  so— — 

Grace.  He's  very  right,  for  since  we  have  been  married, 
you  do  nothing,  but 

Sharpe.  I'll  do  better  by  and  bye  ;— one  word  now, 
would  ruin  us  for  ever.  He  has  promised  to  make  me  his 
steward,  and  the  perquisites  then,  you  know,  will  set  me 
above  fear. 

Grace.    How  long  will  that  be  about  ? 

Sharpe.     Oh  !  only  a  year  and  half — or  two  years — or^ 

Grace.  What !  must  1  keep  the  secret  during  two  years? 

Sharpe.  It  would  be  difficult  for  a  woman  to  do  tiiat,  I 
confess. 

Grace.  But  in  that  time  do  you  think  we  shall  get  rich 
enougii  to  live  ever  after  like  a  lady  and  gentleman,  and 
ride  in  a  carringe  ? 

Sharpe.  Tiiat  we  shall.  Egad,  you  shall  ride  in  one 
this  very  day  ! 

Grace.    Shall  I  ?  Oh,  Gemini! 

Sharpe.  Bless  your  merry  heart,  you  shall  have  a  ride 
in  a  curricle  and  pair  ! 

Grace.    My  dear  William  !  [embraces  him. 

Sharpe.  Oh,  you  coaxing  baggage!  Grace, — how  often 
I  say  Grace, — you  must  make  yourself  prodigiously 
smart,  for  I  shall  drive  you  round  die  park  and  village 
myself — pompously. 

Grace.    Lord!    how  I  should  like  to  stand  by  the  road- 


Scene  I.]  the  married  bachelor.  IS 

side  and  see  myself  go  by  in  a  curricle  and  pair.    Oh, 
the  powers] 

Sharpe.  There,  take  the  key  of  the  little  gate,  that 
you  may  let  yourselfin,  if  I  should  be  elsevrhere  when 
you  return.     Make  all  the  haste  you  can. 

Grace.  I  warrant  me.  I  will  be  back  in  five  minutes : 
and  when  I've  put  on  the  r>etty  new  gown  you  gave  me, 
and  my  bonnet  and  all,  the  iblks  will  say,  that  we  are  the 
handsomest  couple  in  all  Warwickshire. 

\^Exit  by  small  gate. 

Sharpe.  Now  to  make  them  look  about  dinner,  et  cetera. 
Holloa!  Thomas,  John,  Truss  ! — Where  the  devil  are  these 
lazy  rascals  ?  What,  no  one  coming  ?  Let  them  make  my 
master  wait  if  they  choose ;  damme,  I'll  teach  them  the 
difference. 

John  and  all  the  rest  of  the  Servants  come  running  o»r, 
Jrom  R. 

Sharpe.  Oh  !  there  you  are,  are  you  ?  Now  attend  to 
the  orders  I  am  going  to  give  you. 

Truss.  Why,  we  thought  that  our  master  being  out, 
we  might — 

Shurpe.  {interrupting  him.)  Yes,  you  might,  I  dare  say 
—but  if  Sir  Charles  is  gone  out  for  a  day  or  so,  he  has  left 
me  factotum — invested  me  with  ample  powers,  as  the 
great  men  say. — Look  therefore,  that  you  obey  my  minut- 
est order,  without  the  slightest  murmur. — No  kitchen- 
conspiracy — no  stable-grumbling — I  know  ye.  In  the 
first  place,  in  about  an  hoHr,  let  me  have  dinner  served. 

Jnhn.  We'll  attend  to  you,  as  we  would  to  our  master. 

Sharpe.  Will  you  ? — much  obliged  to  you. — D'ye  think 
I  want  to  be  the  last  served  in  the  house  ? — Oh,  you  are 
the  new  French  Cook,  an't  you? 

Labroche.  Yes,  Sare ;  I  come  here  yesterday  before  to- 
day. 

Sharpe.  Well,  then,  to-day  before  to-moirow,  I  shall 
require  a  sample  of  your  skill.  Let  me  have  a  most  ex- 
quisite and  delicate  assortment  of  dainties — dinner  for 
two,  enough  for  six — a  lady  and  gentleman,  with  remark- 
ably good  appetites.  Truss,  do  you  get  the  curricle  ready. 

Truss.  The  curricle !  I  wanted  to  clean  it  up  well — it 
wants  it  plaguily.  B 


ft  THE   MARRIED    BACHEf.OR.  [Act  1. 

^■^^rtrpe.    I  tell  you,  I  shall  want  to  ride  id.  the  curricle. 
Thomas.      In  the  curricle  ? 

S/tarpe.     Aye  in   tlie   curricle,    you  booby — I   can   go 
behind  any  day. 
riwmas.    Well— 
John.    But — 
Truss.     Mister  Sharpe. 

Sharpe.  Don't  Sharpe  and  But  me.  Let  me  have  dinner 
ready  at  two  o'clock  [to  the  Cook.) — And  you  (to  Truss.) 
the  curricle  and  outriders  ;  Sir  Charles  has  left  me  his 
orders,  and  if  you — 

[^Sir  Charles  is'hea'd  without  calling,  "Sharpe." 
Servants.    Here  is  Sir  Charles,  I'm  off. 

[Exeunt  Cook,  SfC,   R. 
Sharpe.     Sir  Charles!    Oh,  its   impossible!    he  can't 
have — 

Sir  C.  {without.)  Sharpe — Sharpe  ! 
Sharpe.  Confound  it,  it  is  he  though.  What  can  have 
sent  iiim  back  so  soon  ?  How  unlucky!  Grace  will  be 
here  directly,  and  if  that  Bashaw  of  a  master  of  mine  once 
sets  eye  on  her,  she's  lost — ;ind  I'm  lost!  What  shall  I 
do? — Here's  one  c f  the  comforts  o(  a  married  life!  I'll 
run  oflf  before  he  catches  me  and  tell — 

[as  he  hurries  towards  the  small  gate. 

Enter  Sir  Ckarues,  from  centre  gate. 

Sir  C.    Sharpe  I 

Sharpe.  (with  a ffected  surprise.)  Sir. — Bless  me,  Sir,  re- 
turned so  quickly! — no  locident  I  hope?  (Sharpe 
anxiously  loatches  the  gate.)  I  wish  there  had  been,  ^asiile. 

Sir  C.  Yes,  and  a  most  unlucky  one  too.  You  would 
little  suppose  what  has  ruffled  me. 

Sharpe.  (trying  to  look  cheerful.)  Excuse  me,  sir— how 
far  otf  the  mark  sliould  1  be,  if  I  said — a  petticoat  ? 

Sir  C,  Why,  faith,  not  a  mile.  Two  or  three  days 
ago,  I  saw  one  of  the  must  bewitching  liitle  creatures  in 
the  world.  Just  now,  1  caught  a  glimpse  of  her  again, 
but  lost  !ier  in  a  moment,  and  was  not  able  to  find  which 
way  %\\(:  turned  among  the  cursed  trees. 

Sharpe.  (aside.)  An  intrigue  afoot ! — so  much  the  bet- 
ter  for  me — 


Scene  1.]  the  married  bachelor.  15 

Sir  C.  I  popped  into  every  cottage  round,  yet  all  in 
■vain  ;  I  saw  pknty  of  pretty  girls,  but  not  one  to  com- 
pare to  my  little  lost  sheep. 

Shaipe.  (^aside.)  Egad,  if  you  lay  hold  of  her,  she  is  a 
lost  sheep. 

Sir  C.  Such  features — suchbioora — such  a  shape — sucb 
a  tout  ensemble! 

Sharpe.    A  what,  Sir? 

Sir  C.    A  tout  ensemble, 

Sharpe.    Is  that  her  nose  ? 

Sir  C.    Pooh  I   (crosses  to  L.) 

Sharpe.  (aside.)  I  have  it^it  must  have  been  the  old 
exciseman's  young  wife. — Sir,  I  know  the  enchantress, 
and  promise,  that,  before  the  day  is  out,  you  shall  see 
her  here.  Indeed,  I  had  purposed  surprising  you  with 
the  sight  of  such  charms,  but  accident,  it  seems,  has 
anticipated  me. 

S/rC.  My  faithful  Sharpe!  You  know  I  am  neither 
ungrateful  nor  ungenerous.  Let  me  but  see  her  again, 
and  twenty  guineas  shall  be  your  reward. 

\Gr ACE  opens  the  gate,  (l.  —  )  and  comes  in  without  seeing 
Sir  CharleSf  or  being  seen  by  Sharpe. 

Sharpe.  I  think  I  hear  them  clinking  in  my  pocket 
already.     Poor  Guage!     Poor  Devil ! 

Sir  C.  (perceivino  Grace,  who  is  confounded  at  the  sight 
of  Sir  Charles.)  What  do  I  see  ?  There,  (gives  Sharpe  a 
purse.)  there,  thou  best  of  servants,  thou  hast  well  de- 
served it. 

Sharpe.  Pay  me  beforehand,  Sir!  No,  wait  till  the 
poor  husband — (turns  round  and  sees  Grace.)  Fire— Fag- 
gots— Devils  and  Horns  ! 

Grace.  I  beg  pardon,  Sir — I — 1 — excuse  me,  Sir,  but. 
Mister  Sharpe — (gets  between  Sharpe  and  Sir  Charles,  and 

(gives  Sharpe  the  key. 

Sir  C.  No  apologies,  my  pretty  maid  ;  Mr.  Sharpe 
told  you  to  come,  but  it  was  I  who  wished  to  speak  to 
you.     (aiirfe.)  What  an  ingenuous  looking  creature  it  is! 

Sharpe.  (ivhispers  to  Grace.)  It  is  Sir  Charles — our 
secret — Mum.  (aside.)   Oh,  lord  ! 

Sir  C.  Wliat's  your  name,  my  dear? 

Grace.     Grace,  at  your  service,  Sir. 

Sharpe.  (aside.)  Grace,  at  his  service. 
82 


16  THE  MARRIED  BACHELOR.  [Act  1. 

Grace.    Daughter   of  old  Gertrude,  who  lives  at  the 

farther  end  of  the  village. 

Sir  C.  1  am  afraid  poor  old  Gertrude  is  not  so  well  off 
as  she  was  formerly.  She  shall  come  to  Courtly  Hal! — 
We'll  take  care  of  you  both.  Sharpe  will  be  delighted 
to  take  care  of  the  old  lady;  he's  such  a  good-natured 
soul — As  for  you,  you  shall  be — let  me  see — the  nursery 
maid. 

Sharpe.  {ivho  has  been  in  much  ap-itation  ever  since  Grace 
came  in,  gets  between  her  and  Sir  Cliarles,  and,  v:hile  talk- 
ing endeavours  to  make  the  former  go  away.)  In  a  nursery 
without  children  !  — Come,  that's  a  sinecure,  however. 

Sir  C.  (^pushes  Sharpe  airay.)  Well,  you  shall  take  all 
the  linen  of  the  house  under  your  charge;  that  will  just 
suit  you. 

Grace.  ("Observing  that  Sharpe  is  making  signs,  behind 
Sir  Charles,  to  her  not  to  accept  any  situation. J  If  you 
please,  sir,  1  couldn't  do  it. 

Sir  C.    Well  then,  you  shall — 

Grace.    Nor  that  neither,  Sir. 

Sir  C.  You  can  wash,  spin,  sew,  knit  garters, — 
zounds  I  you  can  turn  your  hand  to  something,  can't  you? 

Grace.     No,  Sir,   I  can't  do  any  tiling. 

Sir  C.  Tiie  devil,  you  can't ! — Why  how  do  you  pass 
your  time  at  home  ? 

Grace.     1  make  cream  cheese — 

Sir  C.  The  very  thing — 1  sent  for  you  expressly  for 
that. — You  shall  be  my  dairymaid.  I  am  a  perfect 
gourmand  when  cream  cheese  is  set  before  me — and  so 
is  Sharpe  ;  an't  you,  my  boy  ?    [slapping  him  on  the  back. 

Sharpe.  No,  Sir,  it  always  curdles  on  my  stomach- 
curse  ciieesc ! 

Grace.     But,  Sir — 

Sir  C.  Never  mind  him,  my  dear,  but  go  and  instal 
thyself  queen  of  the  curd,  thoubewitchingchfes.-pr-.sser! 

Grace.  I  must  go  home,  if  you  please.  Sir,  for — it's 
our  dinner  hour. 

Sir  C.  How  unlucky  we  dine  so  late,  you  should  else 
dine  with  me. 

Sharpe.  Sir — Sir — consider  ;  a  peasant  girl  to  sir  at 
the  sunifc  table  with  Sir  Charles  Courtall,  Barouet,  M.  P. 
Mbgistiate,  and  married  man — 


Scene  \.]  the  mauried  bachelor.  17 

SirC.  So  much  the  better. — If  I  am  married,  no  one 
■will  suspect  the  purity  of  niy  intentions.  As  to  my 
rank — virtue  enobles  its  lowliest  possessor  ;  and  high 
station  never  appears  more  glorious  than  in  the  company 
of  modesty  and  beauty.  The  rarity  too  of  their  being 
seen  together  makes  the  sight  more  lovely,  {to  Grace.) 
We'll  dine  together — but  how  unlucky — we  have  no 
dinner  ready. 

Enter  Labroche,  (R.  — )  running  to  Sharpe. 

Lab.  Monsieur  Sharpe — Monsieur  Sharpe — Faut-il 
servir  ?    Le  diner  is  ready  ;  all  so  nice. 

Sharpe.  (aside. J  I  wish  the  devil  had  you,  you  French 
hollyhock,  for  your  news. 

SirC.     What,  a  dinner  at  this  hour  ? 

Lab.  Yes,  Sare — Monsieur  Sharpe  tell  it  to  me  to  ap- 
preternice  diner,  and  so  I  make  him  cook  all  myself,  and 
1  do  not  leave  it  to  nobody  at  all. 

Sir  C.     Sharpe,  you  are  the  Sultan  of  careful  servants. 
— {aside.)  I  never  saw  his  equal,  {to  Labroche.)  Tell  them 
to  lay  the  table  here  in  the  garden.  {Exit  Labroche,  F.) 
Under  the  shade  of  these  trees  the  repast  will  be  delicious. 
What  says  Grace  ? 

Sharpe.  {aside.)  Oh,  she'll  say  Grace  fast  enough,  I 
■warrant  me! 

Grace.     I  will  go  and  ask  my  mother,  Sir. 

Sir  C.  I  will  take  you  home,  and  bring  you  back  my- 
self. Here,  John,  {enter  John,  k.  — )  let  the  curricle  be 
got  ready  immediately. 

John,    it's  all  ready.  Sir. 

SirC.    How; 

John.    Mr.  Sharpe  ordered  it  out.  Sir. 

Sir  C.  Oh,  I'm  quite  overpowered  by  these  repeated 
proofs  of  his  zeal  and  foresight-— 1  can  never  sufficiently 
repay  such  services.  Here,  Sharpe,  {giving  him  money.) 
half  rny  fortune  is  not  too  much  for  such  a  servant. 

Sharpe.  {aside.)  What  a  pretty  figure  I  cut '.  How  like 
a  nincompoop  I  look ! — Sir,  I'm  afraid  her  mother  will 
be  very  uneasy — she'll  think  some  accident  has  happened 
— I'm  sure  she'll  have  the  fidgets  about  her. 

Sir  C.  Right,  right  again  ;  so  do  you  run  and  tran- 
quilize  the  old  lady. 


18  THE   JIARUIEI)    nACHELOR.  [Act  1 

Sharpe.   "WTiat  ?  I,  Sir  ?— Hadn't  you  Letter  send  John  ? 

Sir  C.  No,  no — you  can  bust  manage  niatttrs. — You 
can  tell  a  plausible  tale — a  lie,  better  than  any  man  1 
■know. 

Sharpe.  Oh,  you  flatter  me.  Sir ! — I  assure  you,  John 
can  lie  better  thau  I  do— can't  you  John  ? 

[John  shakes  his  head,  and  exit  R. 

Sir  C.     No  more  replies — go  at  once. 

Sharpe.  I  go,  Sir. — [aside.)  But  you  littln  think  what 
I  mean  to  do  J  I'll  spoil  your  sport,  secure  as  you  maj 
imagine  it.  [IJxit  r. 

NiV  C.  1  feel  such  satisfaction  in  the  company  of  beauty 
aiul  innocence,  that  1  am  determined  to  have  a  fete  once 
a-yiar,  to  which  every  prttty  girl  in  the  village  sliall  be 
invited;  though  I  can  never  expect  to  find  any  to  com- 
pare with  thee,  love. 

Grace.  Oh,  Sir!  I  am  sure  I  don't  deserve  half  the 
compliments  you  pay  me. 

Sir  C.  Not  deserve  them!  May  I  never  have  a  kiss  in 
my  life  again,  if  you — (Ae  attempts  to  kiss  Grace — Sharpe 
re-enters,  (ii.^ — )  with  a  tmcel  under  his  arm,  and  some  plates 
in  his  hand,  which  he  lets  fall  and  breaks.)  Clumsy  block- 
head, see  how  you  have  frightened  her ! 

Sharpe.  I  was  only  running  to  say.  Sir,  that  the  kiss— 
the  dinner  is  coming. 

[Dinner  is  served  near  the  pavilion — Servants  all  leave  R. 
except  John,  who  remains. 

Sir  C.  Sharpe  ! — Why  you  must  have  flown — you  can 
never  have  been — 

Sharpe.  {trying  to  Jind  an  excuse.)  I — I  was  thinking, 
Sir,  that — that  you  might  be  better  pleased  if /waited  on 
you.  In  such  a  case  as  the  present,  a  prudent  servant, 
you  know,  Sir — 

Sir  C.     True,  true,  and  you  are  always  prudent. 
[leads   Grace    to    the   table  ;  he  sits   n.  H.  she   h. 

Sharpe.  (aside.)  1  mean  to  be  so  ;  and  one  great  proof 
shall  be,  not  to  leave  you  a  moment  alone,  if  1  can  help  it. 

Grace,  (aside.)  If  some  of  my  acquaintance  were  to 
see  me  now,  how  they  would  fret  J 

Sir  C.     Come,  Grace,  my  love,  you  don't  eat. 

Grace.  The  joy,  Sir — the  honour,  Sir — takes  away  mj 
appetite,   (eats  hastily.) 


Sceriel.j  THE  MARRIED  BACHELOU,  19 

Sharpe.  (aside.)  Neither  one  nor  the  other  has  taken 
away  mine,  for  I  am  as  hungry  as  the  devil.  Here  I  stand 
with  my  napkin  in  my  hand,  instead  of  having  it  tuciced 
tinder  my  chin.  How  she  eats! — and  how  he  ogles  and 
helps  her ! 

Sir  C.    Sharpe,  some  wine. 

Sharpe.     Yes,  Sir.  [Jills  two  glasses. 

Grace.  Mister  Sharpe,  your  good  health  ;  notforget- 
ing   yours,  Sir.  [to Sir  Charles.) 

Sir  C.  [to  Sharpe.)  Isn't  shea  charming  creature  ? 

Sharpe.      Hum — so — so — at  first  siglit,   perhaps,  but— 

Sir  C.     What  a  bewitching  smile  ! 

Sharpe.    Smile,  Sir  ? — A  great  deal  more  like  a  grin. 

Sir  C.     Then  her  eyes  ! 

Sharpe.     Dull,  Sir,  dull,  and  green  as  gooseberries. 

Sir  C.  Dull  to  you,  you  clod  ;  but  sparkling  to  souls 
of  fire. 

John,  [aside  to  Sharpe.)  His  honour's  right— they  are 
pretty  twinklers. 

Sharpe.  Oh,  this  is  too  much ! — What  business  ha?e 
you  to  put  in  your  spoke  ? — Go  to  the  devil,  you — 

{kicks  John  off,     R. 

Sir  C.    More  wine. 

Sharpe.    Yes,    Sir.  [aside.)   I  wish  it  would  choke  him  ! 
[/»  his  confusion,  he  looks  at  Grace  and  Jills  a  saltcellar 
with  the  tvine. 

Sir  C.  What  are  you  about?  -Fill  the  glass,  and  not 
the  saltcellar.  [Sharpe  fits  livo  glasses,  and,  without  seeming 
to  know  what  he  is  about,  takes  up  one  and  drinks  it  off") 
Tiie  fellow's  mad  !  — Leave  the  table,  impudent  varlet — 
Did  you  ever  see  so  blundering  an  animal  ?  Come,  I  will 
be  your  cup-bearer.  {^^ey  drink. 

Grace,  [aside.)  I'll  punish  William,  if  it's  only  in  re- 
membrance of  the  gooseberries. 

Sharpe.  [aside.)  1  shall  go  mad  if  this  lasts  a  quarter  of 
an  hour  longer ! 

Sir  C.    How  many  lovers  have  you,  my  pretty  Grace  ? 

Grace.     Only  one. 

Sir  C.    Only  one? — Impossible! 

Grace.     Only  one,  I  assure  you.  Sir. 

Sir  C.  Lucky  dog! — But  he's  a  handsome,  well-made 
fellow — 


10  THE   MARRIED   BACHELOR.  [Act  1. 

Grace,    At  first  sight,  perhaps,  but— 

Sir  C.     Sprightly,  lively. 

Grace.     Dull.  Sir,  dull  as  small  beer. 

Sir  C.  A  stupid  fellow,  that  can  only  twirl  his  thumbs 
or  scratch  his  head — jealous  too,  perhaps  ? 

Grace.  I  am  afraid  he  is — indeed,  1  am  sure  he  is — and 
the  next  time  he  catches  me  alone — mercy  on  me  ! 

Sliarpe.  {(iside.)  If  it  wasn't  for  that  cursed  pension, 
I'd  tell  the  whole  truth. — Humph!  \_stamping. 

Sir  C.     What's  the  matter  ? 

Sharpe.  {startled.)  The — cramp.  Sir  ;^-only  the  cramp. 
Sir. 

Sir  C.    Have  you  prepared  a  desert,  too? 

Sharpe.  {a.iide.)  Desert  ?  —  I  wish  you  had  yonr  deserts. 
1  can't  stand  it — I — Oh,  I'll  open  the  whole  business  at 
once!    Sir,  since  the  truth  must  out,  Grace  and — 

Enter  Thomas,  r. 

Thomas.  Sir,  Lady  Courtall  is  coming  up  th?  lime- 
tree  walk. 

Sir  C.    What,  Lady  Courtall  coming? 

Thomas.    Yes,  Sir. 

Sharpe.    I'm  saved — Phu  !  I  breathe  again. 

Sir  C.  There  quick,  quick,  away  with  those  chairs 
and  tables,  and  every  thing,  [considerable  bustle  and  cotf 
fusion — .S'iV  Charles  and  the  Servant  clearing  away — Grac4 
running  about  in  alarm — Sharpe  appears  spite  fully  to  enjoy 
the  scene,  now  and  then  following  Grace.)  Why  don't  you 
assist  and  not  keep  running  about  so,  you  scoundrel  ? 
As  for  you  my  pretty  one,  1  can't  give  you  a  ride  home  to- 
day, so  you  had  better  make  all  the  haste  you  can  by 
yourself,  {runs  with  Grace  to  the  sm-ill gate.)  Zounds,  it's 
'ocked ! — where's  the  key,  Sharpe  'i 

Sharpe.     Tlie  key,  Sir  'i 

Sir  (J.    Yes,  the  key. 

Sharpe.  {takes  it  out  of  his  pocket  looks  at  it,  puis  it  in 
again,  and  pretends  to  search  for  it.)   I  have  lost  it.  Sir. 

SirC.  Death  and  the  Devil! — What's  to  be  done? — 
My  wife  will  suspect  the  innocence  of  my  motives,  and 
this  pretty  creature  will  seem  as  if —Hark,  she's  coming! 
Run  into  the  pavilion  ;  it's  the  only  refuge  left. 

[^F.xit  Grace  into  pavilion,  L. 


I 
I 


Scene  1.]  the  married  bachelor.  21 

Enter  Lady  Courtai.l,  from  gates.  Sir  Charles  ran*  t<j 

meet  and  embrace  her. 

Lady  C.  Oh,  my  dear  Sir  Charles,  how  happy  I  am 
to  see  you  once  more  !  I  feared  1  should  not  arrive  in 
time:  but  are  you  quite  recovered,  quite,  quite? 

Sir  C.  Recovered  1  What  do  you  mean?  What 
broug-bt  you  back  so  soon  ? 

Ludi/  C.    Do  not  be  surprised  ;  I  know  all. 

SirC.      All,  Lady  Courtall,  falarmed J  al\,  what  all? 

Lady  C.  See — this  little  note,  written  with  a  pencil, 
•was  placed  iu  my  band  by  a  boy,  mounted  on  one  of  your 
horses. 

Sir  C.  ("after  reading  the  note,  and  aside. J  Who  the 
devil  can  take  so  lively  an  interest  in  my  health  ?— 
Sharpe,   do  you  know  the  hand  ?  [crosses  to  centre. 

Skarpe.  No,  Sir,  no. — I  havn't  the  sliglitest  idea— 
("aside. J  My  own  little  note. 

Sir  C.  I'd  give  something  to  know  whom  to  reward 
for  this  kindness. 

Lady  C,  I  am  so  glad  it  was  but  a  false  alarm — that 
the  danger  was  not  so  great  as  my  informer  thought  it. 

Sharpe.  It  was  rather  serious,  though,  Madam,  while 
it  lasted. 

Lady  C.  If  it  ever  should  occur  again,  I  rely  upon 
you,  Sharpe,  for  an  immediate  notice. 

Sharpe.  I  will  not  fail  to  give  instant  notice  to  your 
ladyship,  depend  upon  it. 

Sir  C.  Come,  my  dear,  it's  all  over  now  ;  will  you 
take  a  walk  ?  {aside  to  Sharpe.)  Contrive  to  get  Grace 
away, 

LadyC.  I  have  been  much  flurried;  I  had  rather  rest 
in  this  pavilion  a  few  minutes. 

SirC      The  pavilion? 

Lady  C.     Yes  ;  why  not  ? 

SirC.  Why  to  tell  you — {aside  to  Skarpe.)  Invent — lie 
-swear:  say  something  to  get  me  out  of  this  infernal 
scrape  I 

Skarpe.  I  will,  Sir — Her  ladyship  little  expects  to 
find  iu   the  pavilion — a — a — but  I  hope  she  will  excuse— 

LadyC.     Find  what? — excuse  what  ? — 

s.'iarpe.  A  smart,  pretty  little  woman,  that  I  brought 
to— 


2f  THE   MAURIED    nACHELOn.  [Act    1 

Lady  C.  What !  A  woman  brought  to  the  Hall  in  my 
absence  ? 

Sir  C.  [\Lith  affected  avger.)  How,  a  female! — (aside  to 
Sharpe.)    Admirable  1 — i;dniirable  I — keep  it  up  1 

Sharpe,     1  will,  Sir, — better  than  you  expect.      [aside. 

Sir  C.     This  must  be  explained,  Sir — this  audacity— 

Sharpe.  Sir — Madam — I  blush  to  say  it ;  but  the  in- 
nocent cause  of  this  confusion  is — is — ray  wife. 

Larf^C.  1  Yourwife- 
Sharpe.  (a-^ide.)  Oh,  my  poor  pension,  there  it  goes!— 
Sir  Cliarles  always  insisted  upon  having  none  bui 
baclielors  about  him,  and,  dreading  his  displeasure,  1  kepL 
my  marriage  a  secret.  —  My  wife  is  virtuous,  simple  and 
obliging — Sir  Charles  attentive  to  the  slightest  want  or 
wish  of  his  amiable  lady,  ordered  me  to  look  out  for  an 
attendant  on  your  ladyship,  and  1  confess,  1  did  wish  to 
solicit  your  kindness  for  poor  Mrs.  S.  and  the  forgiveness 
of  my  ^^enerous  master  for  me. 

Sir  C.  [aside)  Upon  my  life,  that  fellow  has  the  most 
admirable  stock  of  invention  ! — his  lies  are  so  abundant 
and  so  natural! 

Lady  C.  My  dear  Sir  Charles,  how   warmly   my  heart 
acknowledges  the   delicacy  of  those  little   attentions  oa 
your  part.     Sharpe,  let  me  see  your  choice. 
[Exeunt  Sharpe  and    Lady  Coiirtall    into  pavilion,      L. 
Sharpe  and  Sir  Charles  exchanging  signs. 
Sir  C.     Was  there  ever  sucli  an  extempore  ?      As  I  live, 
one  might   liave  believed  every  word  he  uttered.     That 
fellow's  a  treasure!      How  cleverly  he  introduced  a  wife 
to  our  notice!      His   sudden  marriage,  however,  released 
me  from  a  most  disagreeable    predicament.     How    easily 
a  man  may  lose  his  character  by  an  awkward  concommit- 
tance   of  circumstances,  (hypocritically.)   Lady    Courtall 
might  have  become  jealous,  although  1  was  so  innocently 
engaged  with  that  charming  sample  of  rustic  simplicity. 

Enter  Lady  Couri'ai.l. 

Lady  C.  Wiiat  a  delightful  surprise  you  have  afforded 
me — 1  am  quite  delighted  with  the  siniplieity  and  in- 
g-enuousncss  of  the  uiw  bride. 

Sir  C.      Uo  you  think  she  will  do  ? 


Scene  1,J  the  married  rachelor.  23 

LaiJy  C.  I  feel  sure  of  it.  And  poor  Sharpe,  he  seems 
to  doat  on  her  I  — He's  so  kind,  so  afft-ctionate ! — His  an- 
imation when  lie  presented  her  to  me,  bespoke  the  sincer- 
ity of  conjugal  love. — How  gratilying  it  is  to  witness 
such  connubial  happiness  in  others,  when  all  at  one's  own 
home  breathes  the  same  spirit  of  mutual  tenderness. 

Sir  C.  Oh,  my  cliarming-  reciprocity  of  sentiment ! 
(embraces  Lady  Courtalt,  looking  over  her  shoulder  towards 
the  pavilion.)  What  the  devil  makes  them  stay  so  long  ? 

Lady  C.  (alijling  a  iaugh.)  Turning  towards  a  looking 
glass,  I  saw  him — 

Sir  C.     Saw  himi— 

Lady  C.     Steal  a  kiss. 

Sir  C.     And  yon  permitted  him  ? 

Lady  C  My  dear  Sir  Cliarks,  could  I  find  fault  at  a 
husband's  stealing  a  sly  caress  ? 

Sir  C.  A  husband!  under  that  name  he  might. — Be- 
sides, Lady  Courtall,  you  know  how  strict  I  am  upon  the 
score  of  morality  and  decency. 

Lady  C.     I  think  I  have  seen  you  less  severe. 

Sir  C.     Never  ! — I  must  lecture  Mister  Sharpe  a  little. 

Lady  C.    Not  for  what  has  just  passed. 

Sir  C.     No — for  something  else. 

Lady  C.  That  indeed — (^cros.tes  to  R.~~)  I'll  go  and 
give  orders  to  get  a  room  ready  for  Grace,  near  our  own. 

[Exit   R. 

Enter  Sharpe  from  pavilion.   L. 

Sir  C.  So,  Sir,  you're  come  at  last  ;  you've  been  a 
plaguy  long  time  in  the  pavilion. 

Sharpe.  (aloud,  as  if  for  Lady  Courtall  to  hear  him.)  I 
beg  your  pardon,  Sir,  but  my  wife — 

Sir  C.     Your  wife  !— 

Sharpe,  Yes,  Sir  :  I  was  giving  her  a  little  advice  as 
to  her  future  conduct,  now  my  lady  has  taken  her  into 
her  service  ;  and  you  know.  Sir — 

Sir  C.  I  do  know,  Sir,  that  you  are  a  scoundrel,  and 
that  I  have  a  mind  to  horsewhip  you  within  an  inch  of 
your  life. 

Sharpe.     That's  a  good  joke. 

Sir  C.  I  see  how  it  is  :  you  would  be  the  ruin  of  that 
young  creature !— You  would  take  advantage  of  her  sim- 


t4  THE  MARRIED   BACHELOR.  [Act  1. 

plicity  and  inexperience. — Under  my  roof  too,  where 
you  know  an  outrage  to  morality  would — 

Sliarpe.      Upon  my  soul.  Sir— 

Sir  C.  Don't  swear,  Sir. — Wliat  did  you  mean  by  that 
stolen  kiss,  eh? 

Sharpe.  (aside.)  Who  the  devil  could  Lave  told  him 
that  ? 

Sir  C.  You're  trying  to  fudge  up  another  lie  ;  are 
you  ? 

Sharpe.  No,  Sir  ;  I  scorn  it,  Sir — I — I— I  did  kiss  her  ; 
but  it  was  to  pr  mote  your  interest.  I  saw  that  my  lady 
was  not  quite  convinced  by  the  tale  I  told  her,  in  order 
to  relieve  you  from  your  quandary  just  now,  1  didu't 
know  what  to  do  to  put  it  out  of  all  manner  of  doubt,  so, 
Sir,  I — 1 — I  thought  of  something  desperate — and  I  kiss- 
ed her — and  I  tliink  you  ought  to  be  obliged  to  me,  fori 
am  sure  it  has  settled  your  business.  But  it  is  always 
thus;  servants  may  wear  their  very  lives  out,  and  their 
masters  think  they  never  go  far  enough. 

Sir  C.  Quite  the  contrary  ;  I  think  you  have  gone  a 
great  deal  too  far.  Besides,  I  have  a  shrewd  suspicioD 
that  this  something  desperate  was  in  your  own  service. 

Sharpe.     Sir! 

Sir  C.  You  cannot  deceive  me — Grace  is  coming  this 
way.  You  see  that  bower  ?  (r. — )  1  will  conceal  myself 
there,  see  every  motion,  hear  every  whisper — I  shall  now 
put  both  your  zeal  and  fidelity  to  the  proof. — You  under- 
stand ?— 

Sharpe.  But,  Sir,  suppose  she  herself— suppose  Grace 
should — should  take  a  liking  to  me — should  absolutely 
court  me,  shall  I  be  to  blame?  — Consider,  Sir,  the  frailty 
of  human  nature,  I  would  do  anything  to  promote  your 
interest  or  your  pleasure,  but  if  a  pretty  girl  should 
prefer — 

Si\-  C.  I  am  easy  upon  that  score,  quite  easy. 
Now  have  a  Cjre:  if  you  become  desperate  again,  you 
shall  first  get  a  ducking  in  the  horse-pond,  and  then  be 
kicked  out  of  doors. — What  think  ye  of  my  promise  ? 

Sharpe.  That  it  would  be  more  honoured  in  the  breach 
than  tiie  observance. 

Sir  C.     Remember — no  desperation ! 
[retires  into  the  bower,  from  which  he  occasionally  peepr. 


Scene  I.]  the  harried  bachelor.  25 

Enter  Grace,  Jrom  pavilion.  L. 

Grace.  What  a  dear  g;ood  lady  that  is! — We  shall  be 
so  happy  now,  because  we  shall  stand  in  need  of  no  fur- 
ther disguise. 

Sir  C.     What  does  she  say  ? 

Skarpe.  (endeavours  by  signs  to  make  her  comprehend 
that  she  must  not  talk  so  loudly,  but  finding  every  effort 
useless,  exclaims  aside.)  Here's  a  pretty  situation  !  — If  I 
speak,  I  lose  my  place ;  if  I  hold  my  tongue,  I  lose  my 
wife — what  the  devil  shall  1  do? 

Grace.  1  may  now  tell  everybody  that  you  are  my 
husband. 

Sharpe,  (with  forced  cheerfulness.)  Your  husband ! 
Come,  come,  Grace,  you  must  not  carry  the  joke  too  far. 
Husband  and  wife ! — That's   very  well  sometimes  ;  but— 

Grace.  A  husband  in  joke  ! — And  have  I  only  been 
carrying  on  a  joke  all  this  while? — Very  well,  Sir,  {con» 
trouling  her  tears.)  very  well — I  needn't  break  my  heart 
about  you  ;  1  can  get  plenty  of  husbands  upon  the  same 
terms. 

Sharpe.  (aside.)  Yes,  that  would  just  crown  the  busi- 
ness.— Hear  me,  Grace — (aside)  I  must  humour  her,  or 
she'll  spoil  all — (in  a  low  tone.)  Certainly,  yes,  I  am  your 
husband — (aloud  for  Sir  Charles  to  hear  ;  whilst  he  is  mak' 
ing  signs  to  Grace,  that  his  master  is  in  the  bower.)  Sir 
Charles — the  honour — who  deserves  my — If  I  were  my 
own  master,  indeed — but  my  duty,  myconscience — curse 
it — don't  you  understand  me  ? 

Grace.  Not  very  clearly  ;  but  I  dare  say,  It  means,  you 
are  sorry  for  what  you  have  done,  and  so  I  forgive  you— 
there,  you  may  take  a  kiss. 

Sir  C.  (aside.)  Take  a  kiss  I 

Sharpe.  (looks  towards  the  bower— -Sir  Charles  make$ 
threatening  signs. J  I  wish  1  durst. 

Grace.  What !  you  won't  ?  very  well.  Sir — I  don't 
care. — I — I — I  will  go  and  complain  of  your  cruelty  to 
my  lady,  so  I  will ! 

Skarpe.     Oh,  Lord  !     Oh,  Lord ! 

Grace.  I'll  tell  Sir  Charles  of  it — he  won't  treat  me 
BO  ;  he's  a  polite,  good-natured  gentleman. 


■30  THE   M.tRUIbD    CACHLLOB.  [Act  I. 

Enter  Lady  Courtall.  r. 

Lndij  C.  Bless  me! — What's  the  matter  ? — Quarrelling! 
— rOh,  fie! 

Shurpe.     It's  her  fault,  my  lady. 

Grace.     No,   it's  all  his  fault,  my  lady. 

S/iarpe.     I  wished  to — 

Grace.  No,  he  didn't  wish  :  and  when  I  offered  him  a 
kiss  just  now,  he  would  not  take  it. 

I.aclt/  C.     Refuse  to  kiss  your  wife  when  she  asks  you 
I'm  ashamed  of  you. — Come,  this  must  not  be:  1  insist'- 
upon  a  reconciliation. 

Skarpe.  With  alt  submission  to  your  ladyship — Cturns 
towards  Sir  Charles,  slirnfrs  his  shoulders  as  much  as  to  say 
—^'^  you  see  I  can't  help  if')  as  you  insist  upon  it — /'kisses 
Orace  boisterously. J  there — My  dear  Grace,  forget  what's 
past,  and  J  will  he  a  good  boy  for  the  future. 

Grace.  Oh,  dear,  my  heart  is  ready  to  jump  out  of  my 
bosom  with  joy ! 

Sir  C.  [comes  forward  joith  sererity,  betveen  Grace  and 
Skarpe.y  Still  here.  Sir,  after  what  I  said  to  you. 

Sharpe.  Caside.J  I'm  lost — pension,  place,  and  all! 
There  they  go — good  bye.  [crosses  to  v..  H.  comer, 

Grace.  Oh,  praj',  Sir,  do  not  turn  my  husband  away  ? 

Sir  C.    (^aside.)  Her  h'.isband!      The  jade  sticks  to  it. 

Lady  C.  You  won't  turn  the  poor  young  man  away, 
my  dear? 

Sir  C.  Yes,  my  love,  1  most  undoubtedly  will,  and 
for  vrry  good  reasons.     He  knows  why  1  discharge  him. 

Sharpe.      I,  Sir?    No,  Sir,  upon  my  soul,  I  don't  ! 

Lady  C.  Do  not  reply  now  ;  go  into  the  house;  I'll- 
speak  for  you — I'll  intercede.  You  will,  (^lo  Sir. C.)  allow 
them  to  sleep  here  to-night  ? 

Sir  C.     Lady  Courtall'! 

Lady  C.  (to  Sharpe  and  Grace.)  There — there — go  in. 
To-morrow  let  me  see  you  ;  you  know  your  room. 

Grace.      Come,  William — 

Sir  C.     Are  you  really  sending  them  off  together  ? 

Lady  C,  No,  my,  dear;  it  is  ,you  who  are  sending 
them  away.  '     . 

Sir  C.  '  But,  Lady  Courtall — they — they  are  not  mar- 
tied,  if  the  truth  must  out. 


(Scene  1.1  the  married  bachelor.  87 

Lady  C.     Not  married  ! 

Sir  C.     Not  married. 

Grace,  {to  Sharpe.)  What,  don't  he  knaw  that — 

S/iarpe     Husli ! 

Lacli/  C.  1  am  confoqni^esd  I-^so  gentlerr-so  i^pparently 
innocent — so  pretty. 

Sir  C.  Yes,  yes,  all  that,  if  you  please,  but  still  not 
married.  To  think  of  the  hypocrisy  of  this  world!  I 
quite  loved  that  fnan  ;  and  as  for  lier,  I  tliou^ht  if  she 
was  as  good  as  she  was  handsome,  I  siiould  quite  love 
her  too.  But  after  such  moral  turpitude,  1  should  fear  to 
have  them  under  the  same  roof  with  me.  Nothing  in  tiie 
world  could  make  me  part  with  them  but  such  conduct  as 
they  have  been  guilty  of. 

Sharpe.  And  would  you,  indeed.  Sir,  have  kept  us 
if  we  had  leally  been  married  ?  {in  a  tone  of  mock  humili- 
ty. He  ;<j(rp,*  two  papers  from  pocket,  which  Grace  snatches 
from  him  and  presents  to  Sir  Charles.) 

Grace.  That  will  convince  you,  Sir,  of  the  real  truth. 
{to  Sharpe.)  You're  so  slow. 

Sir  C.  Have  you  placed  yourself  under  him  to  learn  the 
tru°  art  of  fibbing:  ?  This  is  some  other  forged  tale,  {to 
Sharpe.) 

Sharpe.  Authentic  documents.  Sir:  certificate  of  mar- 
riage, and  attestation  of  cliaracter,  {crosses  to  Sir  Charles,') 
which  I  hope  you  will  have  the  kindness  to  sign  for  the 
satisfaction  of  Grace's  friends. 

Sir  C.  {Heads.)  Hum — "  married, — 4th  of  June, — 
Church — WiUiiun  Shar,pe,-^<Sjrrace  Jenkins, — Reverend 
Tye'emtight." — {Reaas  the  second  note.)  "  This  is  to  cer- 
tify, that  William  Sharpe,  Steward  to  Sir  Charles  Court- 
all." — Steward! 

Lady  C.  You  remember  that  you  promised  him  the 
situation. 

Sharpe.  If  you  will.  Sir,  kindly  subscribe  that  cer- 
tificate of  my  good  behaviour — 

Sir  C.  And  so  under  sign  manual,  confirm  you  as  my 
steward!  Now  is  it  really  possible,  that,  for  once,  you 
can  have  told  the  truth  ? 

Sharpe.  Every  thing  must  have  a  beginning — {aside  to 
Sir  Charles.)  Besides,  Sir,  I  did  not  encroach  upon  your 
rights  ;  you  came  poaching  on  my  manor. 


PR 
U3  Ms 


M  THE  MARRIED  BACHELOR.  [Act  1. 

Sir  C,  (crosses'to  L.<—  a*jrfe.^  I  cannot  help  laug-hing 
■when  I  think  of  the  ridiculous  figure  Sharpe  cut  with  the 
iiapkin  under  his  arm — Come,  I  forgive  all.  You  shall 
remain  with  me  and  Le  my  steward.  I  only  looked  to 
honour  and  morality  in  all  I  did;  those  indispensable 
qualities  attended  to,  I — I  shall  be  glad  to  have  Grace 
near  me  ;  and  the  world  shall  own  that  Courtly  Hall  caa 
boast  of  two  happy  couple. 

Grace.      Then  we  are  married  now,  for  ever  and  ever  I 
Sharpe.     We  are  indeed — (/o  the  audience.)  and  I  hope 
our  best  friends  will  deign  their  indulgent  acceptance  of 

"  The  Married  Bachelor ;  or.  Master  and  Man." 


DISPOSITION    OF    THE     CHARACTERS    AT    THE 
FALL  OF  THE  CURTAIN. 

Sharpe.    Grace.    Lady  Courtall.     Sir  Charlet, 


FACILITY 


